


Crash

by searider_Falcon



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Drama, F/M, and all the good stuff, j/c all the way - forever, just say no to c/7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 04:10:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14845463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/searider_Falcon/pseuds/searider_Falcon
Summary: A shuttle crash leads to a confession.





	Crash

**Author's Note:**

> A just for fun fic - at the time I wrote this, it seemed like I was tapped into a something other people were too, I saw two other confessions/crash like stories posted.

The first thing Kathryn Janeway felt when she woke up was a splitting headache. She screwed up her eyes in pain for a moment before trying to shake it off. This wasn’t an ordinary headache. Something was seriously wrong. Her head pounded as if someone was hitting her temple with a heavy mallet. She reached up intending to massage her headache in an attempt to relieve some pressure but her fingers met something sticky. She opened her eyes and examined her fingers. Blood. Dark red blood stained her fingers and plastered her hair to her forehead. Kathryn groaned. Then it all came back to her. She was in a shuttle. She looked around. Kathryn could see the shuttle’s cracked display. Smoke hung low in the cabin and a few conduits were sparking. They had crashed. Her memory became more clear. She and Chakotay were on their way back to Voyager when their shuttle was caught in an ion storm and they were forced to the surface of a nearby uninhabitable moon. 

When the shuttle hit the jagged surface of the moon, Kathryn hit her head on the control panel in front of her. She could see where her blood had dripped onto the panel. She seemed alright. At least she was conscious. She looked to the co-pilot’s seat. It was empty.  
Chakotay. She thought in a panic. Was he alright? Fear gripped her heart as Kathryn looked about the cabin. 

“Chakotay?” she coughed. 

The smoke wasn’t helping matters. Kathryn tapped a display and was thankfully the environmental controls were functioning. She filtered the smoke out of the shuttle. 

“Chakotay?” she called again but as the smoke cleared she saw him. He was lying face down on the floor of the shuttle was her first officer. 

“Chakotay!” Kathryn cried out, startled at his motionless unconscious form. Kathryn scrambled from her seat and knelt next to him. Don’t be dead, she pleaded silently, Please don’t be dead. 

She pressed two shaking fingers to the side of Chakotay’s neck. Kathryn let out a cry of relief when she found his pulse. Retrieving an emergency medkit from where it was stored behind the shuttle’s cockpit, she grabbed the medical tricorder and flipped it open. The tricorder beeped in alarm. Chakotay’s lifesigns weren’t strong. Kathryn set the tricorder aside and with difficulty, rolled Chakotay onto his back. Kathryn froze momentarily when she saw a huge gash along Chakotay’s forehead. Blood poured from the wound. She opened the tricorder and scanned Chakotay again. The readouts indicated cranial swelling and serious blood loss. His breathing was shallow and ragged. 

No, Kathryn thought. Her fear still ever present in her heart and it caused a chill over her body. 

Kathryn tried to remember her emergency medical first aid training as she scrambled through the medkit to find bandages. She found them and hurriedly applied pressure to Chakotay’s wound, desperate to stop the bleeding. She fixed the bandage to his head, satisfied the bleeding was slowing down. Next, she loaded a hypospray and administered a solution by pressing the syringe to his neck. After a few seconds, Chakotay coughed and his breathing eased. Slowly, Chakotay opened his eyes. Kathryn placed her hands on Chakotay’s chest.  
“Chakotay,” she breathed. She hung her head in relief. 

Chakotay tried to speak but had to swallow a few times before any sound came out.  
“You okay?” he asked. 

“Am I okay?” Kathryn said, in disbelief, “You’re the one seriously injured.”

“You’re bleeding,” Chakotay said, staring at the wound at her temple. 

“It’s not bad. I’m fine,” said Kathryn, brushing off the cut she received from the display panel.

“What happened?” Chakotay asked. 

“We crashed. Caused by a damaged plasma coil, I think. We can’t fly out of here,” said Kathryn. 

Chakotay made to sit up but Kathryn stopped him with a hand to his shoulder. 

“No, you stay put. I’m afraid you’re injuries are a lot worse than mine. You have a concussion, some internal bleeding, not to mention you lost a lot of blood,” said Kathryn. 

Chakotay tried to nod but looked queasy and did not attempt to sit up again. 

“I’m going to assess the damage. Stay awake, okay? Talk to me,” said Kathryn. 

She stood and moved to the front of the shuttle. She seated herself in the co-pilot’s seat in order to keep one eye on Chakotay. Kathryn tapped the controls and cycling through numerous system checks assessed their situation. Each system report supplying warning alarms. 

“Doesn’t sound good,” said Chakotay. 

“I’m afraid it is bad,” said Kathryn, turning in her seat to face Chakotay. 

“Engines are gone. Antimatter containment could fail and to make things worse, the atmosphere outside isn’t breathable.” 

“How long will life support last?” said Chakotay. 

“Hours still. Plenty of time to send a distress call to Voyager and have them rescue us,” said Kathryn. 

“Can the signal get through the storm that caused our crash?” asked Chakotay. 

Not wanting to think about the consequences if the signal didn’t reach Voyager, Kathryn forced a smile. 

“I’m going to believe that it will and you should too, mister. That’s an order,” she said.  
Chakotay attempted a smile but it looked more like a grimace. 

Kathryn stood from the pilot’s seat and found the emergency rations and a canteen. She sat next to Chakotay and uncorked the canteen. Gently placing her hand on the back of Chakotay’s neck, Kathryn raised his head, tilting it forward in order for him to drink. She placed the canteen to his lips. 

“Drink, you need it more than me,” said Kathryn. 

Chakotay obeyed but didn’t drink much. 

“Did you send the distress signal?” he asked. 

“I’m letting the deflector charge in hopes it will give the signal a boost. It should be ready soon,” said Kathryn. 

Chakotay nodded. After failing to get him to drink any more, Kathryn helped Chakotay lie back down on the shuttle floor and she returned to the co-pilot’s seat. 

“There,” said Kathryn as she tapped the controls, “Voyager will hear our distress call and rescue us.” 

“I hope so,” said Chakotay. 

“Oh ye of little faith,” said Kathryn and she sat down beside him again. 

Chakotay smiled and let his eyes slip shut. 

“Hey! You need to stay awake,” said Kathryn, giving his shoulder a little shake.

“You’re still bleeding,” said Chakotay when he looked back at her. 

Kathryn shrugged, “It’s just a scratch and a headache.” 

“You should get a dermal regenerator,” said Chakotay. 

His voice was full of concern and it was touching, considering his condition but it also made Kathryn sad. Her relationship with Chakotay had become strained since the crew’s return from Q’uara and a stint of being kidnapped and brainwashed to work on that planet. Chakotay had rescued her, but with that rescue came the relationziation that Kathryn had developed feelings for Jaffen. Although Chakotay never said a word to her, Kathryn knew he was jealous. It was one of the unspoken, long denied truths between them. In the solitude of her quarters, Kathryn hoped Chakotay’s jealousy of Jaffen meant there was still some spark between them. Then news came to her ears that made her stomach churn unpleasantly. The rumor mill on the ship said Chakotay was dating Seven of Nine. Kathryn didn’t allow herself to believe the rumor. She couldn't accept it or wouldn’t. It felt like a betrayal and deep in her heart Kathryn knew, she had no right to feel that way. After all, it was her own fault. She set up the parameters between herself and Chakotay. He moved on…

Or had he? The concern in his voice at her well-being felt more than just a friendly inquiry.  
“Kathryn,” Chakotay said, his eyes fixated on her face. 

Kathryn forced a smile, “I’m fine.” 

She patted his chest. She clutched the medical tricorder in her free hand. Periodically, she scanned Chakotay, needing to check that his condition didn’t change. An hour passed and there was still no word from Voyager. Kathryn was beginning to worry about life support. It wouldn’t last forever under normal conditions. With their shuttle being as damaged as it was, she wasn’t absolutely sure how much time they actually had. There were two environmental suits on board but Kathryn viewed those as a last resort. If it came to that option, she would have no way of treating Chakotay’s injuries if he should need more help. The suits did have an oxygen supply, which could stretch their life support a little longer if need be but first, Kathryn would shut down every system possible without risking the distress signal. 

In fact I should do that now, she thought. 

She went to the controls. 

“It’s going to get cold in here,” she warned Chakotay. 

She draped a blanket over Chakotay from the emergency kit, tucking it under him to keep it from sliding off. She wrapped a second around herself. 

“Don’t worry, Voyager will rescue us,” she said firmly, as if her words alone confirmed it. 

“Who’s worried?” said Chakotay. 

Kathryn sat close to Chakotay, thinking her body heat would help keep him warm.  
“You need to stay awake, talk to me,” said Kathryn. 

“About what?”

“Anything,” said Kathryn. 

Silence fell over them and Kathryn worried that their friendship was too far gone to be saved. The reason she volunteered alongside Chakotay for the supply mission was to get some alone time with him. In fact, Kathryn kicked Seven off the mission so she could take her place. Chakotay was surprised to see her when she entered the shuttle six hours earlier. She hadn’t admitted it to Chakotay, but it was purely for selfish reasons, she wanted the time with him. He didn’t argue and didn’t seem too disappointed that Seven wouldn’t be with him either. Kathryn had allowed herself a flicker of hope at that but as they got underway, Kathryn felt an unusual amount of tension between them. Was it because he was hiding a relationship with Seven from her? Kathryn felt like a scorned lover even if the thought was ridiculous, especially since Chakotay hadn’t tried to change the nature of their relationship since New Earth. Not that she didn’t want to. She did, wholeheartedly - if only things were different. If they weren’t stranded in the Delta quadrant, if she wasn’t his superior....besides Kathryn wasn’t even sure if Chakotay felt the same. If the rumor was true and he was dating Seven, then he clearly didn’t. Kathryn pushed that thought from her mind. She didn’t want to believe that. After seven years, Kathryn felt she knew Chakotay pretty well and there were times when he looked at her that she could have sworn she saw longing in his eyes. 

She glanced at him lying next to her and for a split second she thought she saw that same longing before it turned to something akin to regret. 

“I wanted to kiss you that night we went sailing,” said Chakotay. 

He looked away and stared up at the ceiling of the shuttle. It took a moment for Kathryn to remember what he was referring to. 

“Lake George? On the holodeck?” she said. 

“Yes. I was so relieved that you were okay and the night felt so romantic. I wanted to kiss you so badly,” said Chakotay. 

Kathryn sat in stunned silence. She hadn’t known. He didn’t give any indication that night that he wanted to kiss her. She would have noticed. A part of her wanted to kiss him too. If not for her affection but for the sheer exhilaration at being alive but that night, she stopped herself. She remembered reminding herself that she was still engaged to Mark. 

“I wanted to kiss you at Neelix’s luau and that night a few weeks ago when I blew out the deflector dish,” said Chakotay. 

So, his attraction hadn’t waned years ago as Kathryn originally thought. In fact, the night after the deflector was in the middle of the time the rumors placed him in Seven of Nine’s arms. Chakotay was looking at her now. Kathryn felt a cold sense of dread pass over her. 

“Why are you telling me this now?” she asked. 

“I’m dying,” said Chakotay, “It needed to be said.”

Kathryn shook her head, “You’re not dying. You’re going to be fine. Don’t talk like that.”

“It needed to be said,” repeated Chakotay. 

His eyes were barely open as he looked at her. His gaze locked on her face.  
“I need to know. Did you want to kiss me?” he asked. 

Chakotay’s voice was so small, so quiet, it seemed to Kathryn that he was only asking because he felt it was his last chance. He couldn’t think that way. He had to be optimistic. He had to think that he would recover because she needed him to recover. 

“Chakotay...I….” she said but paused, Chakotay’s head fell to the side. His eyelids fluttered closed. 

“Chakotay!” Kathryn said, panicked. 

Kathryn scrambled forward, whipping the tricorder open and scanned him again. Warning alarms sounded. He was falling into a coma. 

“Damnit Chakotay, wake up,” said Kathryn and she tried to revive him with a hypospray. He opened his eyes. 

“Stay awake,” Kathryn pleaded with him. 

Chakotay tried to focus on her but struggled. His eyelids heavy and his breathing slow.  
“Please stay awake. Please,” said Kathryn. 

Her hands were on his chest. She could still feel his heartbeat. 

“Chakotay you have to stay with me,” she pleaded. 

Chakotay’s eyes slipped shut. Tears filled Kathryn’s eyes as the tricorder’s alarm kept blaring.  
He couldn’t die. He couldn't. She wouldn’t allow it. It was unfair. He was her closest friend. He was hers. 

Memories of their midnight sail and Neelix’s luau flooded her mind. How Chakotay smiled as she recounted her defeat of death itself as she poured them more champagne, and how she sat next to him by the beach as they drank punch, laughing at their jubilant crew who danced the night away. She had wanted to kiss him too. She admitted that herself. Maybe she should have. Her moments with Chakotay were few but cherished deeply and now she was losing him. Kathryn’s tears fell. She couldn’t stop them. She smacked Chakotay’s chest. 

“Wake up, Chakotay. That’s an order,” she said frantically, trying to shake him awake.  
Kathryn’s logical brain didn’t control her actions anymore. Her heart was making her cry out in frustration and creating her tears. She lost her old fiancé, Justin, to a shuttle crash and now she was losing Chakotay. She couldn’t go through that again. Not out here in the Delta quadrant. Not alone. 

“Please,” begged Kathryn, her voice coming out in sobs.

Tears fell onto Chakotay’s face. She wiped them away.

“Please, I can’t do this without you. I can’t complete this journey alone.” 

She cupped his cheek with her hand. 

“Please.”

She sobbed, clutching Chakotay. She hit his chest in anger. 

“Chakotay, please,” she said, leaning forward close to his face. She caressed his face and tentatively, she pressed her lips to his. 

“Don’t go,” she said against this lips.

She rested her head against his and sobbed. She was losing the man she loved and she never told him. Which made her grief that much more potent. The real sadness was she never told him how she felt. Always hiding behind protocol or her defined parameters. Always thinking she had time or if they only got home…

Kathryn’s body shook with the force of her sobs. She clutched at Chakotay’s uniform as he lay motionless before her. 

“Tuvok to Janeway.”  
Kathryn raised her head, tossing her hair out of her face. She had never been so happy to hear Tuvok’s voice. 

“Janeway here. Chakotay’s hurt. Beam us directly to sickbay,” she said not caring if she sounded frantic or hysterical.

“Standby,” said Tuvok. 

Moments later, she and Chakotay were beamed aboard Voyager. She appeared in sickbay, huddled on the carpeted floor, Tom Paris and the Doctor looking over them. 

The Doctor hovered over both of them, a medical tricorder already out and scanning away.  
“Help Chakotay,” Kathryn said, wiping tears from her face. 

“You’re bleeding Captain,” Tom said but Kathryn brushed off his concern. 

“Chakotay,” she said. 

She helped the Doctor and Tom lift Chakotay to a biobed. 

“He needs surgery,” the Doctor said simply. 

The Doctor went straight to work, ordering Tom to gather supplies as the Doctor tapped the surgical bay’s control panels. Kathryn stood in a haze at Chakotay’s feet. She clutched his shin, needing to hold onto some part of him. The Doctor raised the biobed’s sensors and alarms still sounded. 

Kathryn let out a cry of fear and Tom looked at her briefly, his expression full of concern and something like sympathy. The Doctor didn’t seem flustered and was laser-focused on his task at hand. 

“You have to save him,” Kathryn gasped, fighting to hold back tears. She had every intention not to cry in front of Tom Paris. 

“We’ll do everything we can, Captain,” said Tom, as he handed the Doctor different hyposprays and tools. 

Kathryn caressed Chakotay’s shin, willing her touch to bring him back, to heal him.  
“Doctor,” Kathryn said, her voice shaking. She was desperate for an update, anything to ease her fears. 

“Standby, Captain,” the Doctor said not looking up from his patient. 

The surgery lasted two hours. Kathryn didn’t move from Chakotay’s side. The Doctor lowered the the biobed’s sensors. 

“That’s all we can do. There was a lot of cranial swelling but we’ve repaired the damage. Well done, Mr. Paris,” The Doctor said nodding to Tom before turning to Kathryn.

“He’s going to be alright? Can you wake him?” said Kathryn.

“I believe the Commander will make a full recovery, but I’d prefer to let him wake up on his own. It allows the brain to heal,” the Doctor said. 

Kathryn covered her face in her hands, allowing a few tears to fall from her eyes. She wiped them away and straightened her shoulders. 

“Thank you Doctor. Tom,” she said to both of them. 

“Let’s take a look at your wound, Captain,” said Tom softly. 

She allowed Tom to treat her wound, all the while keeping her eyes on Chakotay. The Doctor and Tom had cleaned off the blood that was there for so long. The wound was gone, with no hint that it was even there to begin with. The Doctor scanned her with a tricorder.

“Captain, you need rest,” said the Doctor. 

“I’m fine,” said Kathryn. 

“Please Captain, return to your quarters.”

“I’m not leaving,” said Kathryn. 

The Doctor opened this mouth to reply but Tom stopped him. 

“Doc…” he said, shaking his head. 

Kathryn moved past Tom and placed her hand on Chakotay’s chest. There were no other objections from Tom or the Doctor. Kathryn looked at her first officer. She almost lost him. Fate didn’t want to give her a break. After her confession, even if she was the only one to know of it, Kathryn couldn’t hide from her feelings anymore. She loved Chakotay. This man, who was in many ways her opposite was the love of her life. A love she fought against, a love she hid. Her attraction for the Maquis captain that lay before her was a culmination of many things and years in the making. She meant what she said in the shuttle. She couldn’t complete the journey without Chakotay. Oh, she was capable, of course, but if she lost him, she would have lost a part of her soul and she wouldn’t have been completely whole upon their return. 

Kathryn sighed and brushed Chakotay’s hair away from his forehead. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything. She simply watched him breathe and took comfort in the slow and steady rise and fall of his chest. Kathryn found a stool and sat vigil next to Chakotay’s bed. She heard Tuvok enter sickbay and speak briefly with the Doctor but Kathryn largely ignored the conversation. 

“She doesn’t want to leave,” the Doctor said. 

If Tuvok had any logical reason for arguing that she leave sickbay he kept them to himself. There was simply a pause before he said, “Then I will return to the bridge. Inform me if there is any negative change in the Commander’s condition.” 

He left sickbay, leaving his captain to stroke Chakotay’s hair. Kathryn clutched Chakotay’s hand. It felt strange not to have his fingers gently squeeze hers back but he was still unconscious. He would tighten his grip when he woke up, Kathryn reminding herself. As the adrenaline wore off and Kathryn’s body back to relax from its heightened state of awareness and she grew tired. Kathryn rested her head on Chakotay’s shoulder, she listened to his breathing and its steady rhythm coaxed her to sleep. 

The next thing she knew she felt something heavy against her head. She jerked awake and found her hand being squeezed by gentle fingers. She looked up and saw Chakotay looking at her, his head resting against hers. He looked tired and a little pale but awake. 

“Chakotay. Oh God,” she said and she leaned forward. She kissed him in a desperate, thankful, uncontrollable loving kiss. 

“You’re alive. Oh God, Chakotay, you’re alive,” she said, kissing him again. 

He kissed her back.

Kathryn leaned back and stroked his cheek. 

“You okay?” he asked. 

Kathryn smiled and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. 

“I’m fine and so are you,” she said. 

“You kissed me,” he said a content smile on his face. 

“Yes,” Kathryn breathed, looking down at their joined hands, “That’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.” 

They gazed at each other, unbeknownst to them that they were being observed by the keen eye of Seven of Nine who arrived in sickbay to check on Chakotay’s condition. But as she witnessed them kiss and noticed their tightly joined hands, she didn’t say a word. Seven ignored the Doctor’s sympathetic overtures. She turned on her heel and left sickbay.

“Kathryn…” said Chakotay. 

But Kathryn soothed him, “We have plenty of time to talk after you get out of sickbay.”

“It can’t wait,” said Chakotay. 

She looked at him fondly. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” she said with a smile. She stroked his hair again and Chakotay smiled at her loving ministrations. 

“I’m in love with you,” said Chakotay. 

“I know,” said Kathryn, “So am I.” 

Chakotay let out a sigh, “It only took one of us dying to bring that out in the open.”

Kathryn shook her head, “No, it’s because of my own cowardice.” 

“I don’t believe that for a second,” said Chakotay. 

The Doctor put an end to their conversation as he approached them with a tricorder.  
“Ah, Commander, you’re awake.” 

His voice was little more curt than normal and Kathryn suspected the Doctor heard the rumors about Seven and Chakotay too. Kathryn knew the Doctor held strong feelings for Seven, feelings which she did not return, and seeing Chakotay completely disregard Seven’s presence as he kissed another woman, probably contributed to the Doctor’s surly manner.  
He scanned Chakotay. 

“The swelling has gone down, but I’d like to keep you here overnight for observation,” he said, snapping the tricorder closed. 

“Fine,” said Chakotay. 

“Thank you Doctor,” Kathryn said sincerely. 

The Doctor’s surly demeanor vanished as he focused on his captain. 

“Of course, Captain. Anything I can do to help,” he said. 

His gazed softened and Kathryn suspected that he understood exactly how she was feeling. For a holoprogram, she found it oddly comforting. Kathryn watched as the Doctor returned to his office. 

“Kathryn,” said Chakotay. 

“You want to talk,” said Kathryn, “but first, I need to confess something.” 

Chakotay looked at her a little confused. 

“I took Seven’s place on the mission because I felt threatened by the rumors that you and she…”

“She’s not who I truly want. I love you, I have for years,” said Chakotay. 

“Then the rumors were true,” said Kathryn feeling almost just as betrayed as before, despite Chakotay’s declaration of love. 

“A few dinners, nothing serious, Kathryn, but now, it’s doesn’t matter. When I get out of here, I’ll talk to Seven. Please understand Kathryn, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was lonely and was flattered that Seven asked. I thought that if you didn’t want to change the nature of our relationship, then I’d have to move on and I tried but there’s nothing in the universe that can stop my feelings for you. Please forgive me,” said Chakotay. 

“There’s nothing to forgive. I understand. I went on that shuttle mission because I wanted more alone time with you. I thought, maybe we could have discussed, us, while we were out there.” 

“I have to admit, a small part of me always hoped,” said Chakotay. 

“You don’t need to hope anymore, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

Chakotay smiled. He reached out and cupped Kathryn’s cheek. She held his hand to her face.  
Two times in her life, Kathryn thought she found a love so strong it would last the ages but now, being faced with this man who started off as her enemy, she realized she had been wrong. Her love for Chakotay was so strong, she felt as if the force of it would cause her heart to beat right out of her chest. Suddenly, the bleakness of the Delta quadrant didn’t seem so bad. The distance between them and Earth didn’t seem so far. She could make the journey with Chakotay at her side.


End file.
